


Regret

by AppleScruff



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, Regret, break-up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-24
Updated: 2013-03-24
Packaged: 2017-12-06 08:17:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/733508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AppleScruff/pseuds/AppleScruff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn hates that he hasn't told Liam about his feelings. He hates that he let what they had die because they didn't talk about it.<br/>Would things be different if they had?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Regret

Rain is trickling down the window pane as Zayn is looking at the girl who’s putting her suitcases in the trunk of the cab. There aren’t a lot of them because she’ll be back in a few days for the rest. 

The girl’s blond hair misses its fullness because of the rain that’s falling on her head, probably masking the tears that are trickling down her cheeks from her red, puffy eyes. Her long lashes are probably sticking the skin beneath her eyes, the way they always do when she cries.

It breaks Zayn’s heart to see her leave like that because this isn’t her fault. She hasn’t done anything wrong, all she did was love him and he repays her with heartbreak. But he knows he would have hurt her even more if he had continued lying to her. No matter how much she has been hurting for the past few days, he knows he has saved her from even more agony.

A tear makes a salty and wet trail down his caramel cheek as his ex-girlfriend turns to the window – because she knows he always sits there when he’s sad – and smiles up at him. 

Even though Perri has been really mad at Zayn when he broke up with her a week ago, he had been able to convince her that what has happened to them is hurting him too. He told her he wished he could change the way he felt and she had believed him. She had seen in his eyes that he wasn’t lying.

“I’m sorry,” Zayn mouths as he looks at the blonde with sad eyes. She looks so small and alone from high-up where he’s looking at her. She looks so fragile but strong at the same time.

“It’s okay,” Perri mouths back and she waves goodbye with the smile still on her face. Even from this distance Zayn can tell she’s broken inside even though she appears to be strong. 

Perri gets into the cab and Zayn is left feeling empty as it drives away. The realization that he’s now alone hurts. It causes him agonizing pain and makes him feel hopeless because he knows it could have been different.

He steps away from the window with an aching heart and walks towards the couch in front of the TV. On this couch so much has happened. On this couch he broke his and Perri’s heart twice. 

Zayn sits down and closes his eyes while he tilts his head until it’s lying on the black couch. Liam’s face immediately pops up in his head. 

Liam has always been special to Zayn. Even though he loved the other guys Liam had always stood out. It had always been Liam to whom his eyes traveled to in a crowded room or the one he missed the most when he was back home. He had always felt the closest to the dirty blond boy.

Zayn didn’t know if it was because how level-headed Liam was, if it was because he was so sweet to their fans or maybe it was because of his caring nature. Whatever the reason, he had always been perfect to the Bradford boy.

The feelings Zayn held for the younger boy had been ones of admiration for a long time. He had admired how selfless and dedicated to his loved ones Liam was. He admired that Liam could be responsible but knew how to have fun as well. But what he admired the most was how open minded and non-judgmental Liam was. He was always willing to listen and to understand. 

But after two years those feelings had changed into something more and it had scared Zayn. He had never felt more than brotherly love for a person of his own sex and he hadn’t planned on it ever changing. But his heart had other plans when he fell in love with Liam.

It had been during the promotion tour of their second album when his whole world had changed. It had been in a club that he and Liam shared their second accidental kiss but this time they hadn’t moved away. They kept kissing because they were drunk and because they hadn’t wanted to stop. 

Zayn had tasted Liam’s lips for the first time – during the first accidental kiss he hadn’t been able because their lips had barely touched – and it had intoxicated him. The taste had been so unique Liam.

After a good fifteen minutes of snogging, the younger boy had pulled away and had apologized with his hands still holding Zayn close. He had told Liam with a rapidly beating heart and a raspy voice that he didn’t need to apologize. It was just a snog between friends and at the time it had really felt that way.

At first the kiss hadn’t seem to effect things between him and Liam, it’s true they kept gravitating to each other but that was something they have always done. There had always been a pull coming from Liam that drew Zayn in and he could tell the younger boy felt it too.

But then they shared a kiss again and that time they hadn’t been drunk. They had been all too aware of what they were doing but that didn’t stop them. It had felt like the natural thing to do.

It was after this second kiss that things changed. They both could feel that there was something going on and that they needed to figure out what it was. They didn’t talk about it though, instead they just let things happen. 

At first they had only shared long lingering kisses when nobody was looking but after a while they took the next step and started to explore each other’s bodies at first with clothes on but later without them. 

It had never felt so thrilling running a hand over somebody’s body, reaching every nook and cranny to find out what turned the other on or what made them putty in your arms. Zayn had found out that Liam was sensitive behind his kneecap and when he would bite his collarbone he would turn into a whimpering mess. He can still remember how proud he had felt when he discovered those places. 

Then one night they had sex. They are hyped up after a concert and they need to get off of their high somehow. Without thinking they turn to each other before they know it they’re a mess of sweaty limbs and loud groans. For Zayn it’s the first time with a boy, so they don’t go all the way.

They didn’t fall sleep next to each other after they were finished, instead Zayn left the bed after Liam had said that he could better go. He hadn’t apologized like he did when they kissed for the first time, and for Zayn had been thankful for this. He never understood why Liam had apologized because Zayn had returned the kiss. 

They hadn’t talked what was happening to them when it had only been kissing but after they had taken the next step both knew they needed to talk about it. Sex always complicate things, so you must set strict boundaries and rules.

So Liam had come by his room the next day and had told him that he didn’t regret what they did that night and that they could do it again but that they couldn’t go farther than that. They couldn’t cross the finally line because if they did they crossed the Rubicon. 

They had been able to not cross that line until the last night of the tour. They had an amazing last concert and had felt like they were on the top of the world. Then Danielle called and for some reason she and Liam fought. Zayn still to this day doesn’t know what they fought about but whatever it was it had made Liam cry and had sent him running into Zayn’s arms.Without intending to but because they both needed it they made love for the first time. They had long, slow sex with soft gasps and breathy whimpers. 

Because it had been the last night of the tour, Zayn had to deal with the aftermath of what they’d done on his own. He had tried to pick up the courage to talk to Liam during their trip back to England but he couldn’t bring himself to do it, partially because he didn’t know how he’d felt about the situation himself. 

The weeks that had followed the tour had been difficult for Zayn because he had so much to figure out and because his girlfriend was around all the time it had made it hard to do so. 

A next tour had followed, that time in the U, and at first Liam and Zayn had been a bit awkward towards each other but soon they found their rhythm back again. The rhythm that consisted of being drawn to each other but not coming too close. They didn’t kiss or had sex anymore because even thought it was fun at first, they knew they couldn’t do it anymore. On Zayn’s part because he knew he was in love with Liam. 

Zayn opens up his eyes again and they travel to the picture in the frame that’s on the table next to the sofa. It’s a picture of him and Liam and they look happy that they have their arms around each other.

With trembling hands Zayn picks up the frame and runs two fingers over it, lingering at Liam’s face. His eyes are crinkled at the corner just like they always do when the younger boy laughs. 

Would things be different if he and Liam had talked more about what was happening with them? Would Zayn not be in love or was it something that would happen no matter what? 

Would he and Liam be together if he had confessed his feelings during the UK tour or would he have turned Zayn away with a heartfelt apology? 

These are things the dark-haired boy doesn’t know and can never find out. He can’t go back in time and look what talking will result in. All he has left are what-ifs.


End file.
